My Journal of Hate and Undying Love
by Xx-hell-on-earth-xX
Summary: Ariana Harrison is an elite assassin trained by the Demon Abraxas, can Dean still Love her? Or will she go back to original love, Sam.
1. Chapter 1: Woman in White

Hi guys this is my first story so I hope it's okay. I know it's only the first chapter but please Review and let me know how I am going. :) Set in season One I will try and do as many seasons as I can :) Thank you.  
p.s There will be a lot more realtionship stuff than actual episode stuff and more of my own sttory line with my O/C's. And I may skip some episodes and flash back to them.

Chapter One: The Woman in White

Ariana's POV

Prologue

There he was, the most gorgeous guy in my grade, Sam Winchester, and he is all mine. Who would have thought I would fall in love in Colorado? It was lunch time and I was walking around the school courtyard looking at him. He had only just asked me out so I was nervous. He was sitting with his brother, Dean Winchester, who was a bit of an ass, but the hottest guy I had ever seen. I kinda liked them both, they were mysterious and reserved and that drew me in. That was my first mistake. I was so excited to be going out with Sammy, we dated until he was 20 and I was 19. Then he left, and that's where my story as a hunter begins. Over the years Dean and I began super close friends and when Sam wasn't around we'd accidentally-not-so-accidentally flirt like hell. He cares about me but only like a sister, where as I knew Sam Loved me. At least I thought he did. As you follow our Journey and read my journal you'll find out my past, meanwhile I'll be telling you my story about how I came to love Dean Winchester.

Entry One

I knew someone was following me all the way to Sam's house. I knocked on the door, only to have it answered by Sam, with duffle bags in his hands. I looked from the bag and back to his face, and by the expression on it I knew he was leaving. He looked sad but determined to go.  
"Where are you going, for how long?" I questioned him, arms folded across my chest.  
"Ari, I love you too much to say goodbye. My life, you don't understand, it is terrible and I need to get away, I need to be safe," He kissed my on the forehead and pushed past me.

"That's what I came here for!" I shouted after him before he got in the car. He gave me a puzzled look. "Forget it, we are done and you will regret this day!" Hot tears stung my eyes, Dean and John came out and stood beside me, my family. Considering mine were all dead, they were all I got. Sam drove off in his car and I buried my head in Dean's chest, with him wrapping his arms around me. Before I knew it lots of things with black eyes came from all directions and ripped me out of Dean's arms. John and Dean ran inside nd pulled out guns and started shooting at these creatures but it was too late, I was already halfway down the street. "Dean!" I screamed trying to fight off the creatures but I was no match for their strength.  
"We will find you!" I promise! Hang Tight!" Dean's voice called back.

-Ariana

Chapter One: The Woman in White

Dean and I rolled up in the Impala in front on Sam's apartment. "You can stay in the car if you want," Dean's voice was soft, making me increasingly aware of how close we were. He traced all the sigils that the demons had carved into me, to make me a weapon, with his hand. He knew Sammy would freak out. I cleared my throat and nodded. I got out of the car and headed to the trunk and hopped on to of it. I want Sam to see what happened to me after he left, and how he could've done something to stop it. I am not still mad at him, I let it go when Dean rescued me from the Body Farm, but I want him to know, so he can apologize for leaving me, not only did I get taken to a demon free for all, but he broke my heart. I should have waited and been with Dean this whole time, but hindsight is always good.

Dean's POV

I broke into Sammy's apartment through the back window. Once I was in there my thoughts went straight to the fridge. "No beer? Are you kidding Sammy?" I kept looking around, in cupboards and in draws. I eventually gave up and went into the living room when Sam tackled me and pinned me to the ground but I expertly flipped him over and pinned him to the ground.  
"Whoa, easy tiger, just looking for a beer." I put my hands up as if in surrender.  
"Dean?" Sam's face grows with surprise. Wait until he sees who's the other hunter is waiting for him in thee car.  
"Hey Sammy. How s things? How s law school treating you?" I say in a happy sarcastic voice. "You scared the crap outta me!" Sam let out a sigh of relief.  
"That's because you're out of practice-" My smart ass comment was cut off by Sam doing the same move I did and I was pinned again. I grinned, "Or not."  
"What are you doing here-" Sam looked out the window, "-And who is that girl with all the sigils carved on her arms?"  
"What, can't I pop in for a visit?" Sam looked Skeptically at me. I said nothing about Ari. Her beautiful now purple eyes shone like a wet grape. That was a really weird analogy, even for me. Her medium length black hair framed her face perfectly and hell she had the most sexiest boobs ever. And I will probably never say it to her, but I love her. We have to hide our relationship from Sammy until he gets back on the road with us. "Okay, oay, we need to talk."

Sam's POV

I looked out the window, the girl sitting on the Impala looked a lot like... But it couldn't be, she isn't a hunter and she hates me. Dean convinced me to go with them but only until Monday. I am excited to see who he has brought along. As we walked down the stairs Dean looked at me with a warning glance, "Don't say anything about the marks on her body, or her eyes," I nodded, taking note that, that must be a sensitive subject. When I finally got to the Impala and closer to the girl, I realized it was her, Ariana Harrison. I left her the day I left hunting behind, and now she is a hunter. I did it to protect her! rage bubbled in my veins however it faded when I came face to face with her again. Her deep brown eyes were gone, they were purple. I stood in front of her and reached my hand out to touch her cheek. "I thought I'd never see you again," I pulled her into a hug. She hugged me back but it wasn't the same, she doesn't love me anymore. Part of me was hurt, but another part expected it. "You can't get rid of me that easily after all we are family Sammy," She smiled but there was another meaning behind that. I bet she is still mad about me leaving and not giving her a good enough reason. "Alright Ari, hop off, I gotta get out the thing for Sammy to listen to," Dean grinned in the way I have only seen him grin to girls he is sleeping with. I am just assuming so I won't say anything yet. I also will keep my mouth shut about him making her a hunter! I don't think so.  
"Dean, why the hell would you drag her into this life?" I snapped putting my hand on the trunk top so he couldn't open it yet.  
"I didn't! She came to you that night for protection! And you still left, that's what got her into hunting," I have never seen Dean this defensive over someone other than me before. I do remember her saying something about needing to be safe, but from what? Is it really my fault?  
I let Dean open the trunk only for him to pull out a phone and he played a message with lots of static in the background from Dad. It was a warning. With a feminine voice in the background saying "I can never go home." Breaking the awkward silence I asked,  
"So when Dad went on his hunting trip, why didn't you two go with him?"  
"We were working our own gig, this voodoo thing in New Orleans," Ariana responded flatly.  
"Dad let you hunt on your own?" I scoffed.  
"I am 26 dude." Dean answered with a grin.  
"Yeah and I am uber powered" Dean and Ari high-fived.  
"What do you mean?" I wondered, looking at all the sigils on Ari's arms.  
"That day you left, I was kidnapped by demons and taken to a 'research facility' run by a demon called Abraxas, they did, horrible things to me and carved all these enchanted sigils into my skin. By other methods they made me have demonic abilities which turned my eyes purple," Her voice was low and she dropped her head, ashamed.  
"I am so sorry, no words can make up for it, but I will try," She half smiled. I decided to hop in the front of the car, on the passenger side.

Ariana's POV

I looked at Dean. His short light brown hair matched his war hardened features and his beautifully sculpted body. I pulled myself out of ogling at him. Dean lifted me up on top of the bonnet and stood in between my legs. He looked through the Impala's back window and Sam was already asleep in the passenger seat. Realizing that, he grinned and ran his hands up my thighs. "How the hell am I going to hide us from him. You are so damn tempting," Dean murmured and placed his forehead against mine and eagerly locked lips with mine. I deepened the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. "It's just until we get on the road," I said as I pulled away slightly from him.  
"Speaking of which, are you are road because I'd hit that any day," I responded to that by smacking him over the back of the head and laughing at how genuinely lame that was.

-Jericho-

"You want breakfast?" Dean asked me and Sam as we pulled up at a Gas station. "No, thanks." Sam replied normally. That's a good sign he is in an alright mood for me to tell/show him about Dean and I. "I'm in for some pie?" I asked sweetly. Sam gave me an odd look. "Well come on, lets go order something," Dean said enthusiastically. Sam just looked between Dean and I and glared at Dean. We both got out of the car, Sammy still sitting in the front seat, watching us closely. I put my arm around Dean's waist and he looked at me with surprise and stopped walking towards the gas station and just smiled one of those genuine smiles he only gives me. he pulled me into his chest and tilted my head up so I could kiss him passionately. Then we continued walking hand in hand into the Gas Station.

Sam's POV

I could not believe what I am seeing. Dean is with my ex-girlfriend? When they both got back in the car I glared at Dean, then at Ari. "How long?" Is all I asked.  
"Since Dean rescued me from that research facility, so about six months," The emphasis was on Dean's name.  
"I can not believe you are going out with the ex that I never stopped loving!" I yelled at Dean. I could see the hurt on his face, did he not know I was still in love with her. I mean I love Jess to death but nothing can replace what Ari and I had in my heart. "You were the one that left Sam, how did you expect me to wait for someone who crushed my heart into a billion pieces. Dean fixed me as much as he could and he is holding me together," Ariana protested from the back seat. I backed off out of the argument, I knew she was right. Still the bitter jealousy gnawed at my stomach. After a very awkward silence I decided to break the Ice, "So how'd you pay for that stuff? You and dad still running credit-Card scams?"  
"Yeah, well, hunting ain't exactly a pro-Ball career." Dean rolled his eyes and continued, "Besides, all we do is apply. It's not our fault they send us the cards." I bit back a laugh. Oh well, I have Jess, she makes me happy, soon I will forget about my feeling for Ari. I think.

Once we got on the road I looked for some music too put on. "I swear, man,you got to update your cassette-Tape collection," I said to my brother once I found a box of tapes. "Why?" Dean looked at me with widened eyes. Ari chucked from the back seat. "Well, for one They're cassette tapes-" I started, "-And two Black Sabbath, Motor-head, Metallica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock" I couldn't help but grin.  
"House rules, Sammy," Ari piped in from the back. Dean looked in the review and winked at her.  
"Driver picks the music, Shotgun shuts his cake hole" Dean grinned at me and turned up the music really loud and with that we took off.  
We stopped when we came to some police near an empty car. We went and checked it out, it seems to match the pattern, a man gone missing on this same stretch of road like the others. Ari stayed in the car because she didn't want to be seen with all the scars on her arms. Who would? I still need to talk to her about that, like what is the full story behind those scars. I headed back to the car before Dean so I could get a moment alone with her. Ari had switched to the front seat so I went to the window and got her to wind it down.  
"What's up Sam-" I cut her off by putting my hands on her cheeks.  
"Sammy, what are you doing? If Dean even see's you touching me you are dead meat," She grabbed my hand and kissed my my palm before taking it away from her face.  
"I am sorry-" I started but Dean cleared his throat behind me.  
"I told you not to even broach the subject unless she does first," Dean hissed in my ear and smacked me across the back of my head. I just laughed and hopped in the back seat.  
"I think we should cam in the Impala just a bit further down the road and come check out the bridge tomorrow night when there are no cops there," dean scowled when he talked about the police.  
"Yes, because you just have the best manners with the cops, now we have to avoid them," Ari snickered. Dean shot her a playful scowl.

Dean's POV

I was watching Sam make a move on Ari. He lost that right when he left us. I was beyond furious. She is mine now, yet she still shows interest in him by kissing his hand! It isn't her fault, well it sorta is but it isn't anything bad enough for me to get angry at her for. Once we got down te road Ari and I hopped out of the car and she came around to my side. I have a feeling she still has feelings for him. Ariana went to kiss me but I pulled back before she could. "Is this about me and Sam?" She sighed heavily.  
"Yes, yes it is. Do you still have feelings for him?" I frowned at myself for asking so harshly.  
"No, Dean I am with you and I will never leave you. But seeing Sam again does bring up old memories and feelings but I ignore them because, I Lo-" I cut her off there with a kiss. I didn't want her to sy she loves me. She is too good for me, too good for this world and definitely to good for Sammy. Because if she goes back to him and he leaves for law school and Jess again, she won't be able to live through it this time not after what had happened to her.  
"Dean just let me say it, and I want to hear you say it," She smiled up at me and put her hands on my chest. I looked away from those piercing purple eyes.  
"You don't love me, do you? But you don't want me to love Sam?" What the hell is wrong with you?" She snapped at me and hopped in the back in the car. I do! I do love you Ari! I just can't admit it!

- The Woman in White's House-

I arrived at the house, my car had been crashed straight through the front door. "Sam! Ari!" I shouted out, getting closer to the old building.  
"I'm okay," I heard Ari's small voice coming from in the car. Sam got out and nodded at me. I looked him up and down, checking for any major injuries. Before I had time to assess Ari's situation, the Woman in whites appeared and pushed a set of drawers against me and Sammy. Two flickering lights appeared behind the woman and manifested as kids.  
"This must be where she drowned her kids," Sammy pointed out the obvious. That's why she could never go home. "Good job Sammy, you found her weak spot," I groaned, trying to push the drawers off us once the woman and her kids disappeared. Then suddenly it hit me, why isn't Ari out of the car yet. Sammy and I pushed ourselves free and i ran over to the passenger seat. The front windscreen was broken and there was a long broken plank of wood going straight through it and into Ari's chest.  
"Oh god, Ari, you are going to be okay," I started to panic.  
"Dean? What's wrong with- Sam started to asked as he came over but once her saw her lying barely conscious the look of dread covered his face. "You have to pull it out, so I can heal," Ari looked at Sam when she said this. Did me not saying I love her really mean that much? Could she really feel as strongly for me as I do for her? Sammy nodded and went around to the front of the car and started pulling on the plank of wood. Ari didn't even flinch.

- Back at Sam's apartment-

"I can't believe you can heal like that," Sam said in astonishment to Ari as we all got out of the car that was parked in front of Sam's apartment. "I can only die by one blade in this world and that's the Blade of Gladiators, which Abraxas holds in his research facility," Ari didn't tell Sam the full truth. She didn't tell him we have been on the run from Abraxas since she escaped. "And Sammy, don't go in there." She warned him.  
"Why not this time?" Sam rolled his eyes and stared at her.  
"You are going to see Jess die, that's why," A look of realization dawned on him. How cold he realize anything, he wouldn't have known Jess was going to die as well?  
"I'm going home," He snapped at Ari and walked off with his stuff in a huff. Ari and I hopped back in the car and respected his decision, we didn't go far before pulling over and waiting, watching Sam's apartment go up in flames. With that, Sam re-reunited with us, breaking the awkward silence between Ari and I.


	2. Chapter 2: Confrontation

Hey guys thank you for reading my first chapter. I will introduce Ariana's story line in this chapter and it is set between the first episode of season one and the fith episode.

Ariana's POV

Entry Two

My eyes flickered open to see nothing but black. It was like that for a few days at least. I was starving, dirty from sleeping in my own filth. I thought I was going to die in this 3x3 room, but hellwas I wrong, I wish I had died there, because what was coming next for me was a thousand times worse. The bright light from the door opening blinded me just long enugh for the filthy creatures to pick me up and strap me to an old rusty tabley. The demon leaning over me handed another tall dark haired demon a steel metal rod and smiled evilly. I knew begging was worthless. Is this what life Sam was running from? The tallest one (obviously the leader) lit the steel metal rod and started drawing and burning shapes into my skin. I refused to look, the smell of burning flesh filled my nostrils as I screamed in agony. They told me this was only stage one of three and for that i decided I wasn't going to let thdm break me, I would not cry.

Chapter Two: Confrontation

After Jess died, Sammy has been, different, I know what he is hiding but I want him to talk to Dean about it,he will understand. Also after Jericho I still Haven't spoken to Dean except for the necessary stuff while on hunts. It has been two months since Dean refused to say he loves me. Maybe I have been fooling myself, maybe he doesn't love me. I will not cry, I will not cry. Something bad will happen like it did last time, I havent even told Dean what happened. We finally stopped driving somewhere in Idiho, we found a cheap ass hotel like always. Dean rented one room with two queen beds and a couch. I will be taking the couch, I don't even know if we are together anymore. Dean left the room once we all got settled in and that left just me and Sam together.  
"Sam, maybe you were right," I sighed and sat down on the couch next to him. He looked over at me with confusion.  
"About what Ari?" He asked, edging a bit closer to me on the couch.  
"About leaving this life behind, I regret ever going along with Dean's plan and I want you to know I'm sorry for everything, even Jess. You know you couldn't have stopped it even with dreaming about it days before," I smiled softly at him, trying to be comforting.  
"How did you know about that?" Sammy's face looked at me in astonishment, "Wait, let me guess, you can read minds?" He asked.  
"Well, yeah I can, but only sometimes, I still am learning how to control it," I smiled sheepishly. Sam leaned closer, stroking my cheeck.  
"We can leave, run away and be together, I will love you like you deserve," Sam was getting excited. I shook my head, "And leave Dean all alone? I couldn't-" Before I could finish my setence Sam pulled me forward into a kiss. Just as he did Dean opened the door and entered the room.  
The first thing the registered on his face was anger, "You lied to me! You told me you didn't have feelings for Sam anymore!" He yelled and pointed to me.  
"Dean I kissed her she didn't want me to I just did be angry at me," Sam stood up wit his hands in the air as if surrendering. Dean walked over to Sam and punced im right in the mouth.  
"At least he is not scraed to say he loves me," I snapped back at Dean. He looked at me shocked, and then he glarred at me.  
"How could I ever love a monster like you?" Dean spat and walked out the door. I went stone cold. All this timeI thought it didn't matter what I was, but all this time tht has been the problem. "The only monsters in this world are those who can't love, like you!" I yelled and ran after him. He couldnt ide te hurt behind his facade any longer.  
"Do you understand I have grown up hunting things like you, I know the things you've done-" I cut him off right there.  
"Yes I doo, I never used to be this way. You don't even know why I did those things, why I hate to!" I shouted at him. We were standing outside the Impala now. Dean's facial expression didn't change from digust. I decided to finally tell him.  
"Abraxsas had my brother Dean, and if I did what he said, withoout shedding a tear, he would et him live, but the first and only time I cried was when I killed a little girl, about 4 years old, so Abraxsas tied Jace up to "The Pully" machine and made me watch it rip him into a million peieces limb by limb. It took hours of his screaming before the mahine actually killed him." Hot tears stung in my eyes. Dean opened his mouth to speak but i stoped him, "You think I don't know I am a monster? You think my nightmares are about anything else than what I have dne and watching my brother get pulled to pieces, I just want you to know you will never make me cry, no matter how hard you try, so I'm leaving you, and Sam, and I won't ever come back," I spun around but dean's hand caught me. "I didn't know about your brother, you told me you guys had a blow out and he left and never saw you again. I understand why you would comply with Abraxsas. I am so sorry, I was just angry, I don't believe you are a monster," Dean spun me around and pulled me into his chest, resting his hed on mine.  
"Oh and I lied about only haing one way to kill me, I can die just like any other person but in extreme circumstances like drowning or burning or stab through the throat or the heart," I mmurmired into his chest.  
"I won't let anything happen to you, I L-" As soon as Dean was about to say he lved me Sammy interjected.  
""I've got something for our next case!" He said as he ran over to us.  
"Alright, we'll be in, in a minute," Dean emphasised the world 'alright.' Sam got the hint and went back into room.  
"I can have another room in two seconds," Dean wiggled his eyebrows. "Not tonight, I'm on my rags," I sad sadly but reached up and kissed him passionately on the lips. Dean slipped his arms arouns my waist and rested his hands on my arse.  
"Get in the car," I ordered as I started undoing his pants, and winked at him. Dean grinned and gladly hopped in the car and slipped his pants down around his knees.I rubbed the insides of his thighs while I worked my magic with my mouth. Dean moaned and grunted, trying to be quiet.


End file.
